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Helping Nice Guys to Put Women on the Pedestal

 

They say that women do not like to be put on a pedestal, but they never tell you the real reason why. All the nice guy know is that when he tries to treat a woman special, or “put her on a pedestal” that he is often meet resistance or he is rejected for a Jerk. Why?!?!?! This issue has ruined many nice guys over the years and that is why I wanted to address it with this post.

Just to give you a heads up, in this post I talk a lot about women and what they are thinking in regards to the pedestal. Those who know me know that talking about what women think and trying to understand them is not something I do not like to do because as I always say what is the point of understanding a woman if you do not understand yourself. The only reason I did it this time is because I think my interpretation of women thoughts regarding the pedestal will give nice guys some much-needed context going forward.

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What Nice Guys Should Take With Them When Approaching Women

What Nice Guys Should Take With Them When Approaching Women

I was reading an article about different pick-up techniques and tools that every guy should take with him when he is out trying to meet women. As I was reading the article it occurred to me that most of these pick-up techniques were useless for nice guys. This is not because there is something wrong with nice guys, it is because the techniques effectiveness are dependent on the mindset of the person that is using them.

I talked more about this in my previous post, and much more in my book Militant Nice Guy. The book details how the nice guys lack of belief is self makes him ineffective, and why he has this mindset. This blog is focused in-part on helping nice guys improve their mindset.

The pickup article inspired me to come up with an incomplete list of what to bring with you before you enter into an interaction with a woman to strengthen his mindset. This is help the nice guy support whatever methods and techniques he is using with a more efficient mindset.

*Your own true personality. It should be the real you talking to her not a fake identity or some cool persona that you think she make like.

*The sense of amazement that you will get the chance to interact with a potentially amazing woman. Not necessarily that you will get her, but that you get a chance to find out what she is about.

*That anticipation of the satisfaction that you will feel when you realize that beautiful woman you are interacting with is appreciating you just for being who you are.

*Focus on your responses and reaction to her as opposed to her responses and reaction to you.

*Know the first thing that will come out your mouth. Know what you want to say to her.

*Know what you want from her potentially.

*Curiosity. Be open and willingness to see where this interaction could go.

*Butterflies: You should feel butterflies because you are uncertain about what will happen. Butterflies are not to be confused with anxiety. Anxiety is when you think something bad is about to happen. Butterflies come from anticipating something good will happen.

*Focus on what you want to happen, not what you do not want to happen. We usually get what focus on. Too many guy are focused on not getting rejected as opposed to focusing on getting a genuine connection.

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Why Seduction and Pickup Techniques do not Work for Nice Guys

Why Seduction and Pickup Techniques do not Work for Nice Guys

When it comes to seduction, nice guys have a particularly hard time making many of the rules, techniques, and methods that work for pickup artists and jerks work for them.

What often happens is the nice guy will see a pickup artist or a jerk using their methods and techniques with women successfully. Then when the nice guy try to duplicate the pickup artist methods and techniques to achieve the same success for himself, he often finds that things do not work out nearly as well for him if at all.

They know the methods and techniques work, they have seen it work for pickup artist and jerks, but for some reason it does not work as well for nice guys. Because of their lack of success, many nice guys will believe that either something is wrong with them personally or women do not want a nice guy. Understandably this frustrates many nice guys, and makes them reluctant to interact with women romantically because they know that the interaction stands a very good chance of not working out the way it did for seemingly for pickup artist and jerks.

It would benefit nice guys greatly to understand that there is nothing wrong with being a nice guy and that many women do want a nice guy. So then the question is, if the techniques and methods do work, then why won’t it work for the nice guy?

The major reason why the methods and techniques work for pickup artist and jerks is because of the mindset of those using the methods and techniques. It is not necessarily the method and techniques that make the interaction a success, it is the mindset behind the methods and techniques and lead to success.

Pickup artist and jerks do not want what nice guys want from an interaction. Nice guys are interested in a genuine connection from the interaction, while pickup artist and jerks are interested in getting a predetermined result from the interaction. (a phone number, kiss, date, sex, etc.) In the other words the methods and techniques of pickup artists use are a means to an end. They use their methods and techniques to facilitate the predetermined outcome that the pickup artist wants from the interaction.

This is the major reason why it is difficult for nice guys to use pick up techniques and methods to duplicate their success, the nice guy is focused on being genuine. Having an interaction based on forming a genuine connection is incompatible with using techniques that are based on getting a predetermined outcome from the interaction.

If you want a genuine connection that is specific to the two of you, then it has to be earned through being genuine and expressing yourself based on the uniqueness of that specific woman and the dynamics of that interaction. Coming up with a generic line or routine that works every time to get what you want is a violation of that.

What many pickup instructors don’t talk about, know or understand is that a genuine connection the result of a genuine interaction. It is based on both parties being open to the natural outcome of the interaction. It is very difficult to have a genuine interaction when that interaction is based on a fulfilling a predetermined outcome. That is why nice guys have a hard time making the methods and techniques of pickup artist and jerks work, because nice guys and pick up artist are interested in two different things.

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What Should a Nice Guy Say to a Woman?

 

What Should a Nice Guy Say to a Woman?

Not knowing what to say to a woman is a pretty common issue with many nice guys. Most nice guys understand the importance of approaching a woman. They know if they don’t approach then they’re not going to get the type of women that they want, yet many nice guys do not approach. Or if they do approach then they will be filled with so much anxiety and trepidation that the interaction will suffer as a result. This all because they believe they do not know what to say.

The truth of the matter is that you will never know what to say to a particular woman to make sure that she will like you. This is because you are not a mind reader. The chances of you seeing a stranger whom you’ve never met before and knowing the exact combination of words and phrases to make that woman attracted to you before you even interact with her it’s not very good. To be honest, the odds are so bad that it’s not effective strategy to pursue.

(I know you must be thinking, but what about dating coaches and pick up artist who make lots of money teaching guys to do this very thing? I will address this issue in my next post, and well as why pickup strategies and techniques do not work for nice guys.)

Here is something for you to consider, if you are a nice guy then you already have much to say to women how you are attracted to. When nice guys say they do not have anything to say or they do not know what to say to a woman, what they are really saying is: I do not think what I have to say to her it’s good enough, funny enough, or witty enough that she will accept me. They are pre-judging what they want to say, and they do not approach because they do not believe in what they have to say.

When it comes to expressing yourself, the key is to just keeps things simple and say what you feel. Then let her respond however she wants to respond freely. Do not try to impresses her, you do not know what impresses her anyway. If you do not believe the interaction will be a positive experience then how can it be. When you start to believe in who you are as a nice guy, and believe in what you have to say then you will be in a much better place when it comes to approaching. The reason why you should believe in what you have to say it’s because it is based on you and your attraction to her. It is based on who you are and what you want in other words it is based on truth.

Expressing how you feel is usually the best route because it is genuine and it is true. If you want the interaction to be genuine and true then you have no choice but to start it off that way.

It is better to be true then clever. It is better to be true then cool. It is better to be true and not get the girl and be false and get the girl.

You don’t believe in yourself and what you have to say then how can a woman.

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The Identity of the Nice Guy

The Identity of the Nice Guy

This week’s audio is from a podcast I did with Steve Mayeda on identity and change for his website thesexuallife.com. We answer questions about why people have a hard time accepting your new militant nice guy identity after you have made that change. We also talk about why it is important to believe in yourself and what you want and express what you want as a nice guy. Steve Mayeda also gives his philosophy on what to do when you approach women.

Steve Mayeda is dating coach who specializes in sexuality. His website is: thesexuallife.com. Check it out; there is a lot of good stuff on there.

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One Way to Be a Nice Guy

One Way to Be a Nice Guy

This week’s audio is from a conversation I was with fellow nice guy and seduction artist Josh Bar. We were talking about how many nice guys make the common mistake of thinking there is only way one to get a woman and how that mindset hurts them in the long run. This audio starts off in the middle of Josh pondering why do so many nice guys switch from being effective nice guys to being jerks.

Also be sure and check out joshbar.net It’s his blog on seduction and he has some really good stuff on there.

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